Five Minute Friday: Still

five minute friday linkup

I’ve decided to challenge myself a bit and so I’m trying this thing called Five Minute Friday link-up that’s happening on Kate Motaung‘s blog, where you write about a particular subject for five minutes and hope like you’ve never hoped before that the brain vomit that follows doesn’t put your followers off forever. So this is me figuratively jumping off a cliff.

And… GO.

Confession: keeping my mind still is massively difficult these days.

I’ve noticed this especially in the last month, I am keeping myself distracted, distracted, distracted. Mostly by not giving myself a moment to think about things too deeply.

there’s nothing deeply wrong with my life at all. Of course, the girls are keeping me busy, but I can’t keep running after them all day, its driving me crazy. I’m not the type to always organise craft or other activities for them so we spend a lot of time at home just pottering about. And I expect independent play.

as for me, I don’t fill out my time very well. I’ve been watching online shows and what-not because I am feeling frustrated with where I feel I am going generally.

this stay at home thing is a season, and I want to move on yet not at the same time. Plus no time with Badgerman to really reflect, especially this side of Christmas living with a maths teacher! His life is crazy. church life? is driving me a bit bonkers if I’m honest, I’m frustrated with situations I’ve observed and not willing to look more deeply because I know there’s been a shift in how I think about my faith and I can’t just casually swim along in the evangelical waves anymore, not like I used to 10 years ago. So in this season of doubt and discomfort and running around after little people, I can’t keep still, I won’t keep still, because if I do it might come crashing down. Or something. Who knows, maybe it’s all in my head? The one thing I know I need to do is to stop and keep still and make some internal decisions about what next but I’m procrastinating instead.

…………

Addendum: Mmm, I’m not sure how I feel about this first go, it sure is muddled. You’re supposed to get better at this, right?

 

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6 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday: Still

  1. This was my first Five Minute Friday linkup too. And I wrote about Taylor Swift. Does that make me a superstar Christian or what? When you’re home a lot, even with noisy girls, like it sounds like you are, your mind can become a playground for our enemy. Too much time to think. You know? I would encourage you to carve out “me” time with some girlfriends. It can do wonders. Give your doubts about church, your stage in life, all of it, to God. He can handle it! Your post was good. Real.

  2. Louise Kiteley says:

    I think it is a perfect – well done and well organised for ‘brain vomit’! And it resonated with me too: there is nothing fundamentally wrong with my life but big life questions keep looming in my brain and when I start to feel overwhelmed by them, I just try to squish them because I am too chicken to confront them! Maybe it is the current climate? The change in weather? Season? I don’t know but I am quite happy to continue procrastinating for now (or too scared not to anyway!). Bon courage!

    • I think the darkness of the season does have an impact; in my case, I think it’s also the fact that Autumn is a busy time and I have been putting off facing up to some stuff and making decisions, things just add up to a big pile of frustration that keeps growing due to inaction

  3. I think you can’t beat a good brain dump, I’ve gone through periods like this in my life, although my doubts about the church then became a conversion to atheism, which, although extreme, worked for me! My biggest life changes – moving/career changes etc have come from feeling all a bit lost/confused/overwhelmed and having a brain vomit like this one, so good luck! xx

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