I’ve decided to challenge myself a bit and so I’m trying this thing called Five Minute Friday link-up that’s happening on Kate Motaung‘s blog, where you write about a particular subject for five minutes and hope like you’ve never hoped before that the brain vomit that follows doesn’t put your followers off forever. So this is me figuratively jumping off a cliff.
Confession: keeping my mind still is massively difficult these days.
I’ve noticed this especially in the last month, I am keeping myself distracted, distracted, distracted. Mostly by not giving myself a moment to think about things too deeply.
there’s nothing deeply wrong with my life at all. Of course, the girls are keeping me busy, but I can’t keep running after them all day, its driving me crazy. I’m not the type to always organise craft or other activities for them so we spend a lot of time at home just pottering about. And I expect independent play.
as for me, I don’t fill out my time very well. I’ve been watching online shows and what-not because I am feeling frustrated with where I feel I am going generally.
this stay at home thing is a season, and I want to move on yet not at the same time. Plus no time with Badgerman to really reflect, especially this side of Christmas living with a maths teacher! His life is crazy. church life? is driving me a bit bonkers if I’m honest, I’m frustrated with situations I’ve observed and not willing to look more deeply because I know there’s been a shift in how I think about my faith and I can’t just casually swim along in the evangelical waves anymore, not like I used to 10 years ago. So in this season of doubt and discomfort and running around after little people, I can’t keep still, I won’t keep still, because if I do it might come crashing down. Or something. Who knows, maybe it’s all in my head? The one thing I know I need to do is to stop and keep still and make some internal decisions about what next but I’m procrastinating instead.
Addendum: Mmm, I’m not sure how I feel about this first go, it sure is muddled. You’re supposed to get better at this, right?
I like to write. I find it to be a soothing outlet for the many thoughts that twirl around inside my brain but recently I feel like I’ve been drowning with ‘other stuff’ so that when the day is done, the last thing I want to do is think about anything. There is some guilt attached to my inability to find enough motivation to write.
I don’t like feeling that I am neglecting my blog, which is this little corner of franglified fun that I’m really fond of. Yet I still struggle to sit down and write, because it takes me So Much Time to put my thoughts in order. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t love writing. I like it alright but I certainly don’t love it as much as the thousands of bloggers online who are able to produce one post a day. Sure I have at least one thought a day but is it worth writing about, and do I have enough content for an entire blog post? Mostly I don’t, unless I was going to rename my blog ‘Thought of the Day’ and, you know, post that one important thought I had in between the nappy changing, bathroom cleaning and the staring into space I seem to do so much of. Even a post every other day is too much for my poor brain and in the last couple of months, my aim to write one post a week has gone right out the window.
It’s not that I have no time either. Despite the fact that apparently if you have a child, ‘your time is no longer your own‘ and you ‘no longer have time to put make-up on‘, in my case, once I had recovered from the initial shock – and it did take me about three months before I was able to leave my bed before 10 am at the earliest – I actually do have more ‘me-time’ than when I was in the workplace full-time. Not hours and hours (I do DO stuff) but more than the legal work break time. Or maybe it’s the fact that I can take my breaks in block, in the wonderful daily fixture called Nap Time. It can happen at any time in the day and it lasts between 30 minutes and 2 hours depending on… Well, I haven’t quite put the finger on the variables in Little Girl’s case, she sure likes to keep the mystery alive! Nap time doesn’t always happen either, but at the very least there are numerous times in the day when Little Girl happily plays on her own and I can sit down with a cup of tea and last night’s Great British Bake-Off (no more! what shall I do now?). I am a bit mystified by the mums who have just the one child and have no time to do anything at all for themselves but it may well be that I have an unusually easy child. I will internally raise my eyebrows and leave them the benefit of the doubt.
There are only four things that I absolutely need to do every day, aside from the volunteering I do with my church’s toddler groups (mostly setting up, registration, playing with Little Girl and chatting to other mums with a bit of admin thrown in). I do all of the following things with Little Girl awake:
– Whatever bit of house cleaning I have for the day (I keep it to the minimum and reckon that unless you have a palace, it shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes a day over the week)
– Washing up and laundry – my goodness does it never end? but again, this does NOT take hours.
– Making dinner
– Playing with Little Girl – it happens throughout the day but I do try to have as much unstructured / on her own play time, because I refuse to become a one-person entertainment machine.
During the magical Nap Time, what then do I do? OK so sometimes there MAY be a bit of washing up, simply because I couldn’t be bothered earlier. By and large, I get on average a good hour of me time, and what do I do with it? I rarely write, that’s for sure. My brain simply refuses to engage that deeply. So instead I :
– Go on Facebook
– Play games online. I am one of those annoying people who send you requests for SimCity Phlegm or whatever.
– Check my emails.
– Read blogs I subscribe to – they are legion!
– Play the piano / sing. This is part practice, part fun. It is my main hobby/source of enjoyment so I do try to spend some time doing something musically related.
– Watch some telly I’ve recorded from the previous night.
I am now going to post this and remember something extremely important I do, which would make me look like less of a lazy arse if only I’d not forgotten it. I’d also like to know what other people manage to fit into their ‘me-time’. Go on, make me feel lazy.